For Whoever's Watching
by Phips and Filly
Summary: "God didn't shag Lily Evans for you." James has a bit of trouble grasping the concept of Lily's pregnancy. And he's wondering what he really loves. Of course there's a few constants; Sirius, magic, an a little something to smoke. J/S friendship


**This story was a load of make it up as you go along. Or, to better explain, Filly makes up stuff and Phips attempts to go along. At least the shock reactions are natural that way. So uh, enjoy Jame's pre-Harry freak out XD**

"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining." That was James' logic, of course, when he bought an odd herb from a man on a sidewalk in Hogsmeade. "After all, we only live once, and I want stories to tell."

"You tell those stories. And I'll embellish where necessary," Sirius threw in, grinning widely, "But God's not much an audience. I'm all for entertaining the people… Especially the good looking female people."

James smiled, lighting up the end of his father's old pipe. "I'm all for entertaining the ladies too, maybe the men sometimes." He took a long drag, feeling the new burn on the back of his throat. He had only ever smoked the cooling cigarettes from the professor's drawers, but this was new. He coughed and laughed. "So why not God?"

"Who even said there's a god? It doesn't make any sense." Sirius grabbed the pipe, "Share."

"If you think about it," James lazily slung an arm around his companion, more or less leaning on top of him. "Nothing really makes sense."

"If I thought about nothing making sense I'd be more confused than I already am."

"Well it doesn't!" James stubbornly continued. "It doesn't make sense that magic exists, or that an animal the size of a horse can fly. Who decided that brooms fly? And what about love, that makes no sense. But it's real. So why not god?"

"Hey, I don't know why this stuff happens. Ask Moony 'bout that sometime. I'm sure he's got an answer... But I can do magic and fly brooms and I've seen you fall in love. But no god."

"You actually haven't really..."

"Hm?" He scrunched up his face in confusion, taking another drag from the pipe.

"Seen me fall in love I mean." James grabbed the pipe back, taking another long drag. The burn was gone now, replaced by a gentle euphoria.

"Really, what do you call what you've been doing the past eight years then?"

"Total infatuation, sex... and... being a playa. Not love."

"Right, so you're not madly in love with Evans planning your wedding like you claim every other day."

"No..." James sighed, feeling guilty. Maybe he had loved Lily at one point, or at least thought he did. But what he loved was the chase, the game he had played. He played Love because she Hated, she was never supposed to give up and let him win. Sure, it had been fun the first couple weeks, just seeing the shock on everybody's faces. But the bird was clingy, obnoxious and self-righteous. And maybe he didn't like that as much as he thought he would.

Sirius expected it, truthfully. He always had, knowing James as well as he did. And if he was to be very honest with himself, he was actually glad about it. He didn't like James' obsession. Not unless it really made his friend happy. He, after all, hated Evans almost as much as he hated being alone.

"Right, right. I won't scold you on how wrong that is. I will scold you for driving me crazy about it though."

"Only doing my job Padfoot." James smiled, looking up from his best friends lap. "But it is wrong isn't it? I don't want to marry her, you know that." He ran his fingers through his hair. "But I have too... It's the right and proper thing to do."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't break the girl's heart." he stuck out his tongue. "I don't see why not, she rejected you for seven years. Is she really going to care if you do it just once?"

"She might not, but I don't want the kid to grow up without a dad."

Sirius stared down at his friend. "Wait, KID?" his eyes widened, "God, Prongs, what did you DO?"

"Merlin, what do you think we did?"

"…Seriously?" He failed to think of a better response. "…You got her pregnant?"

"Yes Sirius." James glared. "I'm nineteen and going to be a father."

His face remained stoic. He didn't know what James wanted from him. He let out a small sigh, sarcastic but playful, "Good job."

James sat up and lit the pipe up again. "Help me, Padfoot." He sucked in the smoke, finishing the last of the herb. "I don't know what to do."

"Yeah, you do. Raise the next generation of Marauder."

"Danmit!" James cursed, throwing an empty glass to the floor, watching it shatter. That was not what he wanted to hear. "Tell me to run away, tell me that you'll join me." He fumed. "Tell me that I don't need to do this."

"Yeah, Prongs, you don't need to, but you probably should." He took James' arm. "And if you run, it goes without saying; you know I'll go with you."

James looked into the grey eyes of his friend and smiled. "Then let's do it." He grabbed Sirius' hand and ran toward the door.

Maybe Sirius had expected his friend to be a little more moral though. Maybe he himself believed this too much, ignoring that fact that this wasn't James being honest. It was James being nervous. "You know, running away doesn't get rid of your problems." That felt hypocritical.

"I'll send the kid a teddy bear, it'll be fine."

"James, the kid deserves to have a family. Come on, your parents loved you. Don't you think he or she deserves that. At least." He was almost stern now, because while the child was nothing now, not even a name, they didn't deserve that. No kid did, no matter what. James was a better person than his own parents.

"I'll love the kid, but I won't love his mother." James sighed, childishly almost, undoing his shirt. The herb had made him hypersensitive, and the small fire was suddenly hotter than the sun.

"Maybe you don't love her James, but you don't hate her. Come on, even I've realized she's not that bad. And she's a looker too."

"She's nothing, Sirius." James stared into the flames. "She's a self-righteous whore, and she chose me as her prisoner." That was it now, make up anything to plead your own case.

"And everyone said I had the commitment issues," he muttered under his breath. "You want to run, fine, let's run. But it could be so much worse." Sirius was going to try to help his friend see reason. He'd follow Prongs to the end of the earth, but only if that was what was best.

"Bullshite, how."

"A lot of ways... I don't know." Sirius shrugged.

"Then run with me. Right now, let's just leave."

How long had James been thinking this way, Sirius wondered. "Okay, fine. And what about when everyone realizes we're gone?"

"Let them deal with it. We don't need them." He squeezed his best friend's hand tighter, and moved closer to him. "We'll be fine on our own."

How could he think to leave behind everyone? Everyone but them… "And the war? "

"We can help without them."

"…Let's go."

James was slightly taken aback. He had heard his friend, but only part of him had believed it. It wasn't the time to ask questions though, not now.

Sirius simply smiled a little. He would do anything for James. Even though it seemed the latter hadn't realized it by now. He took him by the hand and led him to his motorbike.

The cold rush of air cut into James mind, clearing it slightly. A part of him, the gentleman part, was telling him to go back, that he really loved Lily, and that the kid needed him. But that part was tiny, a mere whisper in comparison to another voice. This other one was familiar, exciting. It was the voice that reminded him of his best friend's presence, warm and strong. It was the voice that urged him to keep going, the one that kept his mouth shut.

"You know, you believe in all this fate an' god stuff. Maybe there's a reason for all this." Sirius looked back, staring into James' eyes.

"Maybe." he admitted, clutching tighter. "Or maybe God has it out for us."

Sirius wouldn't argue the presence of god or not. It wasn't worth it anymore. But if there really was a god, he only controlled the things that people couldn't do. It left his mouth before he realized it. "God didn't shag Lily Evans for you."

James let go. The quiet spell of the night had been broken. He didn't say anything, refusing to admit how much that hurt him. Padfoot was right of course, it had been his own stupid fault. "I'm a right git, aren't I?"

"Nah, your not Prongs." Sirius assured. Maybe it was over now. That was what his friend needed. It didn't make him regret saying it any less. "I'm sorry I said it like that."

James smiled. Because this was normal. That was what he was used to. Him and Sirius never argued before Lily, it was just a joking game. It took too much energy for the boys to be mad at each other.

"It's alright."

Sirius didn't know that for certain, but he smiled back anyway.

"Well I hope God enjoys the show." James smiled wider -a smile that was the real James Potter- looking into the stars.

Sirius laughed, and with a flick of his wand he set off an array of fireworks into the sky. He gestured out to James and bowed. "Of course he does. We've always made a damn good show."


End file.
